Solidity Developer
Make the contracts immutable. Especially the withdrawal restrictions.
THE SUPREME STANDARD IN DEFI
Your funds.
Our five-
year plan.
Stolen Assets Funding Uranium.
Finally, a protocol honest about its roadmap.
100% SATIRE. 0% WALLET CONNECTIONS.
PLEASE KEEP YOUR SEED PHRASE TO YOURSELF.
PLEASE KEEP YOUR SEED PHRASE TO YOURSELF.
☢
AUDIT STATUSTrust me, comrade.
CONSENSUS MECHANISMProof of Supreme Leader
☢ YOUR KEYS, OUR COINS / FULLY CENTRALIZED / ENRICHING THE ECOSYSTEM / COMMUNITY OWNED* / *ONE COMMUNITY MEMBER / ☢ YOUR KEYS, OUR COINS / FULLY CENTRALIZED / ENRICHING THE ECOSYSTEM / COMMUNITY OWNED* / *ONE COMMUNITY MEMBER /
0%Decentralization
100%Supreme confidence
∞Lock-up period
1Governance voter
01 / THE FOUNDATION
Built different.
Audited never.
“Crypto is free digital money. We collect it online and put it to good use for the cause.”
— FICTIONAL FOUNDER QUOTE
Introducing the SAFU Foundation: a fictional crypto institution with one supreme mission, absolutely no governance debates, and an exceptionally ambitious energy strategy.
KIM JONG UN
Fictional founder. Self-appointed Chief Liquidity Officer.
Fictional founder. Self-appointed Chief Liquidity Officer.
02 / TALENT ACQUISITION
Permissionless talent.
Permissioned exits.
Join the most centralized team in Web3.
Remote-ish. Competitive rations. Unlimited conviction.
ENGINEERING · REMOTE-ISH
Frontend Developer
Build a beautiful dashboard. The balance only needs to go one way.
Chief Exit Liquidity Officer
No experience required. Optimism essential.
FICTIONAL VACANCIES. NO APPLICATIONS OR PERSONAL DATA ARE COLLECTED.
03 / THE FIVE-YEAR PLAN
Unclear utility.
Unquestionable leadership.
All milestones are fictional.
All questions have been postponed.
PHASE 01 / ACQUIRE
Community takeover.
Launch the website. Announce the foundation. Put “ecosystem” in every sentence.
PHASE 02 / ENRICH
Unprecedented yield.
Stake the narrative. Farm the engagement. Reclassify all red candles as national holidays.
PHASE 03 / ASCEND
To the moon. Literally.
Pivot to aerospace. Call it a Layer 2. Publish a whitepaper with suspiciously aerodynamic diagrams.
THE FUTURE IS FULLY CENTRALIZED
Funds are SAFU*
*Somewhere. Allegedly. Far Upnorth.
Spread the propaganda ↗A MEME WEBSITE. NO TOKEN. NO DEPOSITS. NO FINANCIAL SERVICES.